Under Arrest
by vjgm
Summary: Add on to Family Therapy. Want to see what the Cullen kids did to get arrested and make Carlisle's Book of Shame? Read on! If you have not read family Therapy Cullen Style, this will not make sense.
1. Alice

**UNDER ARREST**

**I do not own these Characters stephenie Meyer does, I just got them arrested!**

If you haven't read family therapy, this will make no sense, if you have... this is how they got arrested as mentioned in the last chapter!! Enjoy

**APOV**

My vision that evening was very clear. The new fall line from Gucci was coming into the Bloomingdales shipping dock at 6 am the following morning. Included in the shipment was one, size XS, black and white checkered coat. It was the same coat I had been drooling over on line for weeks. In my vision, a petite blond gets to the store before me and purchases the only one in the shipment. Determined not to let this happen, I took matters into my own hands.

"Jasper!" I called. Immediately he appeared at my side. "I need your help with something."

"Whatever you need Alice, you know that." He said sweetly.

"How are you with security systems?" His face fell knowing he was about to get dragged into on of my plans, but he was my husband and he was going to help me get that checkered jacket or else!

Dressed in black, we made our way to the loading docks behind Bloomingdales. We watched as the dockworkers, raised the large garage door and started moving the boxes off the truck and into the storage area.

I wanted to run over at vampire speed, but Jasper, using his military training preferred to attack when there was a diversion. He held me firmly against the brick wall and whispered "Wait for it Alice... wait for it..."

When truck started to pull away from the loading dock, the Bloomingdale's employees leaned against the wall to have a cigarette and make a phone call. As he paced back and forth, he appeared to be in an argument with someone on the phone.

"Now, go while he's distracted. I'll be in the car waiting for you, hurry Alice..." Jasper hissed as I took off for the open garage door.

I slipped unnoticed into the large, open storage area and started looking for the box that in knew contained my jacket. Another door opened and a different worker came over and started dragging boxes from the storage room, into the actual store. I crouched behind a large box and waited for him to head back inside.

When I heard the door slam shut, I hopped up and silently headed in that direction. I opened it a crack and saw a large warehouse looking room on the other side. I couldn't hear his heartbeat so I assumed he was a safe distance away. I crept over to a tall shelf and started reading the labels on the different shelves.

"Who in their right mind would pay this much for clothes? I don't care if they are Gucci, some people are crazy. I better go put this stuff out on the floor." I listened to the worker talk to himself as he dragged the first box out the double doors to the left.

I waited for the doors to stop swinging and then snuck out, hiding behind a display of Levis jeans in the mens department. I could sit here unnoticed and wait for the box I needed to be dragged out onto the floor. Once is was out here, I could easily grab the jacket, leave the money for it at the register and head back to Jasper who was probably a nervous wreck in the car.

Ten minuets later, Larry dragged the box down the walkway, heading for the womens department, I followed next to him, safely hidden within the clothes of the men's department. He dropped the box next to the register and cursed about that beings enough lifting for one day. As soon as he was out of sight, I emerged from my hiding spot and squealed at the boxes like a child at Christmas.

I opened the first box to find the new line of shoes and boots. I took out a few pairs and tried them on, checking myself out in the mirror. The next box had the new handbags. I spread them across the floor, matching them with the pair of shoes that best complimented with them.

I had lost track of time, completely engrossed in my project of coordinating the outfits as I continued to open the boxes. I had four complete outfits laid across the floor when I heard the lights flicker on and a voice behind me said "Freeze right there miss."

I raised my hands into the air and slowly turned to face my company. A mall cop stood next to a Bloomingdale's employee, whose name was Maggie, according to her name tag . They both looked at me suspiciously. "Can you explain what you are doing here miss?" the cop said sharply.

"Um, well I was just starting to unpack these boxes." I said hesitantly. I was distracted because I saw the sleeve of my beloved jacket peeking out of one of the boxes.

"But you don't work here." Maggie said with authority.

"Well, I'm sorry, this is just a misunderstanding, I thought the store was open." I said as I started to inch my way closer to the box with the jacket in it, trying to figure out how to get my hands on it.

"It's only 7:45 am we don't open this early." Maggie spat at me with more hostility that I thought necessary.

"OK, fine, my mistake, I am just going to go wait in the parking lot until you open then." I slowly picked up my purse, took one last glance at the jacket that was still partially hidden in the box and headed for the door.

As I walked away I heard Maggie complaining to the guard about the lax security here at the store and had I been a murderer, she would have been dead. I breathed a sigh of relief as I saw the large glass doors that signaled my freedom. I was about to put my hand on the door handle I heard a loud beeping sound.

_Beep Beep Beep_ blared in my ears.

"Stop her... she's stealing something!" That little witch Maggie screamed, pointing wildly at me. The mall cop came running, gun still drawn.

"Miss, don't move. Not another step." I looked at the glass door, and I could see Jasper in the car, waiting. _If I ran at vampire speed I could get out of here, of course I'd have to find a new mall to shop at... _I was thinking, but when I looked up and saw the security camera facing me, I knew I was out of luck. My face would be plastered all over the news, and that wouldn't be good. I raised my hands for the second time and faced the officer.

"I have no idea what could have set it off..." I fumbled with my words trying to figure out what I had that set off the alarm. _I didn't even get the damn coat!_ I cursed to myself.

"The shoes... she tried to steal the shoes..." Maggie screeched. _Stupid little human... I could easily..._

"I'm sorry miss, but we are going to need to call the local authorities. I'll overlook the breaking and entering, but you are under arrest for shoplifting."

"Noooooooooooo" I screamed. A second later, I saw Jasper out of the car and pressed against the glass doors, glaring at me. I turned to my dear husband, and sheepishly waved my newly handcuffed hands up at him.


	2. Emmett, Edward and Jasper

**Under Arrest Emmett, Edward & Jasper**

**I do not own these characters, Stephenie Meyer does, I just got them arrested!**

****

_The boys and their adventure :)_

**Em POV**

Come on Edward, this will be funny..." I begged. I loved my brother, but he was the biggest stiff I had ever met. Every day I would try and get his to do something to loosen up, but it never seemed to work. I went back to my begging. "Come on Edward, please... for me?"

"If I do this, and that is a big if, I want no jokes about my sex life or lack there of for the next month is that clear?" Edward demanded. I thought about it for a second, a month is a long time for me to not say something about the fact that the neighbors dog has had more action than Edward, or the fact that too much pent up sexual frustration might lead Bella to take matters into her own hands... I started laughing at my own joke when I felt Edward glaring at me.

"Fine, I promise no jokes about that for a month. If I forget, Bella can drive my Jeep for a week. Deal?" I held out my had to him grinning. Edward grudgingly shook it but eventually smiled.

"OK where are we going to do this?" He asked looking over his shoulders.

"Well, he likes to go to the pond and feed the ducks some days, he really is one strange vampire that brother of ours." I mumbled as I scanned the park. There weren't many people out today, so it should be perfect, no witnesses. I stepped off the path so a biker could pass.

"Let's go this way and just keep your eyes open for him." Edward and I headed along the path, toward the pond. It was just up a small hill and then the path started curving to the right, the pond was just beyond the curve.

As we started to reach the top of the hill, the most horrible smell hit our noses. "Ugh, what in the world is that god awful smell?" I was looking around for a dead animal or something.

"Ew, I think it's coming from there." Edward pointed at a small wooden building that was right across the path from the pond.

"Is that a bathroom? What human in their right mind would use that place? It smells awful.." I said as I coughed from the smell. The smell..."Crap!"

"What's wrong?" Edward stopped in the middle of the path.

"Smell, he'll smell us coming a mile away... we won't be able to sneak up on him here." I said sadly kicking the asphalt at my feet. My fun for the afternoon was ruined.

"Well, we could go hide in that bathroom, he'd never be able to smell us then. He'd probably stop breathing as soon as the scent hit him." Edward speculated. I was impressed, there might just be hope for him yet.

"Good thinking Eddie! I think I'm starting to rub off on you..." I teased as I threw my arm around his neck, rubbing my fist into his hair.

"Emmett, get your hands off of me." He growled as he thrashed to escape.

"Come on, he should be here any minute, you listen for his thoughts, and when he's close, we'll jump out and flash him the moon." I said gleefully. Edward rolled his eyes as we headed toward the foul smelling building.

When we opened the door, I think the condition of the interior was even more foul then the scent. "Does no one clean this place?" I shuddered as I looked around to see toilet paper strewn across the floor, the toilets were unflushed and there were wet puddles of what I could only assume was urine all along the wall. "Human are so disgusting." I mumbled as I folded my arms across my chest to avoid touching anything. Edward stood in the center of the small room, refusing to come in contact with a single surface, for fear of bringing some horrible germ home to his dear Bella.

It was probably only a few minutes, but when you are trapped in a cramped, smelly, disgusting place, very second feels like a decade, until I saw Edward's face change.

"Do you hear him?" I asked with a hint of excitement in my voice. Edward nodded his head. "Is he close yet?"

"No, he's just starting to come up the hill." Edward said quietly.

I immediately started to undo my belt. Edward's eyes got huge. "Gotta get ready to drop them Eddie." I teased as I gave him a small punch in the shoulder, which made him fall back onto the putrid sink.

"Emmett, yuck." Edward jumped away from the sink, his face crinkled in disgust. Grudgingly, he started to loosen his belt also, if for no other reason than to get out of this bathroom.

We stood there in filth, our belts loosened, and flies open while we waited to attack. Edward gave me a nod and I opened the door wide, so when Jasper walked past, we could jump out and flash him. I heard his footsteps approaching and pulled Edward toward the door. "Get ready" I mouthed silently to him. He gripped the waistband of his pants and got ready to pounce.

"GO" I shouted and we ran onto the path and dropped our pants. I heard Jasper let out a scream and began laughing my head off.

"Emmet you are the biggest moron!" Jasper began shouting at me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward panicking to get his pants back up. I looked over my shoulder and saw a female bike cop coming to a stop behind a horrified Jasper.

"Uh- oh..." I mumbled as I quickly refastened my belt. Jasper giggled, I'm sure feeling the fury of the officer behind him.

She looked at Jasper and said "Sir, what is going on here?" as she climbed off of her bike and waked toward us. Edward was shaking his head grimly.

Jasper looked at me and grinned evilly "Officer, I was simply walking up the path to feed the ducks and these two...gentlemen jumped out of the restroom with their pants down." He said innocently as he showed the officer his bag of bread he had to feed the ducks.

The officer eyed us cautiously as her hand moved to the radio on her shoulder. "Bill, I need some backup here by the pond, we have some flashers. We need to take in for public indecency."

"You are dead Emmett" I heard Edward hiss, but I refused to look at him, I knew the rage in his eyes was nothing compared to what I was going to face when I got home to Rosalie.

Under arrest Jasper

**JPOV**

We had been at the ridiculous sports bar the entire afternoon, Emmett kept making bet after bet with me. I believed we had money wagered on any game, horse race or swim meet in the United States. Edward spent the afternoon laughing at us and being happy that he was smart enough to not get involved in the wagering.

Currently, Emmett owed me 200 dollars and was desperate to win it back, I knew he was going to push the issue, he didn't like to lose.

"Come on Jasper what are you chicken?" Emmett taunted me from across the table. "It's just a friendly bet."

"I don't want to bet on a wrestling match Emmett, it is such and uncivilized 'sport' if you can even call it that..." How he could consider professional wrestling an actual sport is beyond me. Everything was choreographed form the second they stepped into the ring. But Emmett insisted it was all real, I called it his male soap opera.

"Fine, you pick the sport, we'll bet on it. Ladies choice." He sneered at me, trying to entice me into a fight, however I was the bigger man, and I refused to stoop to his level.

"Emmett for the last time, I am not going to bet on any more events, lets go home." I stood up and took my jacket off the back of my chair to show him I was done. Edward was already walking away from the table and heading for the car. Emmett stood up and started mumbling to himself while his back was to me.

"Now I know why the south lost... they were all chickens!"

As soon as the words left his lips, I reacted. I leapt onto his back and started hitting him as he fell to the floor. I was shocked however, when instead of fighting back, Emmett crumbled into a heap on the floor, covered his head and started squealing like a girl. "Don't hurt me, please stop, don't hit me... please stop!"

A crowd started to gather around us and I felt a few arms wrap around me, pulling me off of Emmett. I was so stunned by Emmett's reaction that I let them drag me over to a chair. I looked around and saw a table had toppled over in my rage, not to mention two broken chairs. A number of people were huddled around Emmett checking him for injuries.

"He just came out of nowhere..." I heard him say to one of the men examining him. I looked over my shoulder and saw Edward, near the door, laughing.

"Uh- oh" I said out loud, as I realized, it was all a set up.

The police siren wailed outside the bar. I looked over at Emmett who was now smiling, and heard him say at vampire speed "Pay back's a bitch Jazz!"

Just then, I heard my cell phone beep... 10 missed calls, all from Alice.


	3. Rosalie

**UNDER ARREST - Rosalie**

**I do not own these characters, Stephenie Meyer does, I just got them arrested!**

_Of course, I saved the best for last - Rosalie the prostitute :) I hope you enjoyed this little quickie! _

**BPOV**

"Truth or dare Rosalie?" Edward sneered at his sister. He was still upset after having to take his shirt off and parade around Bella's house in front of Charlie.

"Dare, I always choose dare." Rosalie said as she rolled her eyes.

"I dare you to..." Edward started, but was interrupted by Alice's squeals of joy.

"OOHH this is going to be a good one!" Alice clapped her hands together and gathered up her camera.

"I dare you to...go down to the Donut Hole and I want you to hit on the first male that walks in the door. Unleash all your Rosalie charms and you have to make him blush." Edward smirked glancing quickly at Alice who was just grinning.

"Uh Edward, is that the best you could come up with? You are such a wimp." Rosalie snarled as she climbed onto her feet and headed upstairs.

"That seems pretty easy Edward.." I whispered, not understanding why he was letting her off the hook so easily.

"Trust me Bella... better yet, trust Alice." he said as he nodded his head in her direction. Alice was giddy as she grabbed a jacket, camera and a wad of cash.

Rosalie strolled down the stairs and Emmett let out a low whistle. She was in a turquoise, low cut blouse that clung to ever curve in her body and a black mini skirt. The outfit was finished with gold, strappy heels and bright red lipstick. "Let's get this over with..." Rose huffed as she picked up her purse and keys off the kitchen counter.

We took two cars to the Donut Hole, Emmett and Rose took her BMW while the rest of us jumped in the Volvo. Edward parked the car out front, and it looked pretty deserted inside.

"How long is this going to take?" Emmett growled as he opened the door. "This place is dead!"

"Oh someone will be along...shortly." Alice giggled as she went through the doorway.

"Let's sit here." I said pointing to a nearby table. Everyone sat down, making sure we had a good view of the door.

The waitress came over and we ordered something to drink. I got a donut since I was a little hungry. Jasper tapped his fingers impatiently on the table top, while Emmett grumbled about how short the skirt Rose wore was.

We had been there no more than five minutes, when headlights appeared in the parking lot. Rosalie immediately started running her fingers through her hair to give it some volume and touched up her lip stick. Alice grabbed Jaspers hand in excitement, I knew a male would be walking through the door in a few seconds.

I heard the jingle of the small bell that hung over the door as it opened. My head snapped up, and I saw my worst nightmare walk through the door.

"Call it off Edward." I hissed.

"No way." Edward laughed. "You have no idea how good this is going to be..."

I looked back at the door to see one of Charlie's deputies, Officer McCracken, standing just inside the door of the donut shop. He was the newest officer on the force, Charlie had mentioned him at dinner the other night. I believe the words he used to describe him were 'very gung-ho, can't wait to put someone in the cuffs, and wet behind the ears.' None of that made this plan look like a good one.

"Listen, this guy..." I tried to warn Rose, but Edward put his hand gently over my mouth.

"Well, Rose, I believe you have a dare to complete dear sister." Edward smirked as he goaded her.

"Piece of cake, one blushing, donut eating, cop coming up!" She pushed her chair back and headed toward the donut counter.

Officer McCracken noticed her right away, of course a blind man probably would have noticed her too the way her hips swayed from side to side as she strutted forward.

"Hi there." She purred as she stood behind him in line for a donut.

"Um hello miss." The officer said nervously, trying to focus on the donuts before him.

"So what's your favorite kind of donut?" Rosalie asked with a flirty giggle.

"Um, I'm not sure." the officer mumbled as he took a step away from her.

"Wanna know my favorite?" She asked alluringly as she ran her finger down his arm. The officer froze and looked suspiciously.

"Miss... I think you need to..." He looked away from her, but still no blush crossed his cheeks. Edward , Emmett and Jasper were quaking in their chairs as they tried not to laugh out loud.

"I like the éclairs. Do you know why? Because they are so big... and long, I prefer my donuts long rather than round. How about you? You look like a long donut kind of guy.."

"This is not the kind of conversation..." He tried to shrug her off, but Rosalie was a woman on a mission, I saw her set her jaw, narrow her eyes at the back of his head as he tried to ignore her. Rosalie would not be ignored.

"I think a man in uniform is sooooo sexy. I don't suppose you would have a few minutes and we could go, you know share a nice, hot, éclair together, just you and me, alone...I could eat it with you in your car.."

The officer's body stiffened immediately, blush filling his cheeks. As he held his hand out to her, Rosalie grinned triumphantly toward our table. She was so proud of herself that she didn't notice officer McCracken reach for his handcuffs.

"You are under arrest for solicitation. You have the right to remain silent..." The officer said as he clicked the first handcuff closed around her wrist. Rosalie eyes were on fire when she looked back toward our table.

Edward and Jasper had fallen out of their chairs, Emmett was on his feet heading over to try and intercede. When officer McCracken saw him, he called for backup, thinking Emmett was her enormous pimp.

I didn't dare laugh until Rosalie was being put into the back of the police cruiser. "Oh.my.God!" I laughed. "Edward you are so dead...she will kill you when she gets home." I said between laughs.

"We better go hide my Cd collection. Come on." Edward took my hand and led me out the door. We were just in time to see the police cruiser pull out of the parking lot, lights flashing.


End file.
